


No Gentlemen of Verona Or, Julia and Juliet

by executrix



Category: Romeo and Juliet-Shakespeare, Shakespeare Retold, Two Gentlemen of Verona-Shakespeare
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-04
Updated: 2011-03-04
Packaged: 2017-10-16 02:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/167531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/executrix/pseuds/executrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Juliet Capulet-Montague drags up and hits the road.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Gentlemen of Verona Or, Julia and Juliet

SPEED: _Twenty to one then, he is shipped already._ (2GV I,i,72)

MERCUTIO: _O that she were an open-arse, thou a pop'rin pear!_ (R &J II,i, 37-8)

Juliet, once Capulet, now Montague, paced her chamber until the noise of the preparations for the morn's revelry died away. Then she arrayed herself in the mockery of a wedding dress, cast it off, and replaced it with the humble gown in which she had stolen away to Friar Lawrence's cell to be united with her love. That was the raiment in which she must undertake the terrifying ruse. She lay down on the bed, her hands crossed upon her shoulders, and closed her eyes. _This_ she thought, _is how they shall find me, in Death's counterfeit. So, they will bear me to the tomb._

Then she bethought her of the rats that ravened down their proper bane, and how their teeth were bared in death-agony. And, although she knew that after a couple of stoups of wine, that choirboy was anybody's, still she was less than certain about the quality of Friar Lawrence's potions, much less his ghostly counsel.

 _Beshrew THAT for a game of soldiers_ she thought. She seized the pair of shears that her Nurse had used for the final fitting of her wedding gown and hacked off the long spill of her hair past her shoulders. _Let them entomb that, an they will._

In the corridor was a chest with her father's well-saved hose. She plucked a rapier and dagger from their mounts on the wall. In the banqueting hall, displayed among a dozen or so really ugly wrought-iron toasting forks, were purses of money donated by guests who sought the favor of Old Capulet. Juliet poured them all into a single bag and left the sleeping house.

By the time she reached Friar Lawrence's cell the dawn was breaking, and she found the ancient cleric gathering herbs and simples. "Hail, pretty youth!" he cried. "Come ye here often?"

"Don't you recognize me, you old fool? You just married me."

"Nay, such cannot be, you mistook my protestations of the sacredness of love…"

Juliet pulled off her cap and shook out her pretty chopped locks. "Juliet Montague. Now either you tell me where my husband is or with outstretched throat I'll proclaim that you gave me a poison it is death to utter. Capisc'?"

With the address in her purse, Juliet bought a horse and a saddlebag of provisions and headed toward Mantua. Shortly after entering the woods, she spied a delicate young fellow walking along the path. "God gi' ye good den, young wanderer," she said. "Wouldst ride pillion upon my charger here? Well met would I find thy company, for they say these woods are beset by bandits. E'en more than one band of them, forsooth."

Juliet's caution was well-placed, for not long after the warm weight settled against her and they trotted down the path, a band of robbers sought to relieve them of their gold, and perhaps to do them some outrage. Juliet leapt off the horse, drew her sword, and faced them off; her companion, who carried only a dagger, also crouched into a combative position.

At this show of valor, the bandits turned tail and ran.

Juliet embraced her fellow adventurer. "I hight Sebastian. What is thy name, good youth?"

 _Blast, I was going to use that one but it's taken_ "J…j…Octavian," said the other, a slender youth in trunk hose, hair tied up in love-locks.

"Hast had a knock upon thy costard, that thine own name flies from thee?"

"Perhaps," the other said. Juliet went to look. "No hurt see I see there, nor yet a clouding of those lovely pools thine eyes," Juliet said.

 _My head thou mark'st, yet 'twas my heart the arrow transfixed_ thought Julia, late of Verona.

"Soft ye," Juliet said, as their foreheads rested close (for they were of one height and one fairness; not the one taller, not one fair and one brown). "I clept thee 'good youth," but 'tis not so."

"Help Heaven! Yet may I yet be good," Julia said.

"Young may thou be, and goodly, yet by my sword I swear you are a maid."

"Everyone says that…it's just that thing with Madame Julia's gown…oh, all right. Aye," Julia said, then, studying her companion, "And thou."

"Nay," Juliet said. "Truth, I be no man, but yet am no maid."

"The twain of us, and yet no man! The men who flew from us thought us the better men? They thought us accomplished with what we lack!" Julia said, and they laughed.

"That fat old fool spoke with a barbarous accent," Juliet said. "He must be a foreigner."

"By thy soul's truth I see th'art no punk, and I hope no widow's brine hath watered thine youthful eyes," Julia said. "Then wife ye be?"

"Yes, and to Mantua I take my way, there to my loving lord's arms."

"And I to my betrothed, Sir Proteus," Julia said.

"And how did ye escape the close prison of thy father's home?"

"I sent my servant behind me, to say I went to shrift at holy friar's cell."

"I think thou art my glass, and not my sister," Juliet said.

By then, night pressed close, and when an inn appeared at the side of the road, they went in. Juliet's purse secured them meat, drink, and a room to sleep in. They stripped to their smocks and huddled on the pallet in the fireless room, beneath a single, thin blanket, and then piled their cloaks on top.

"How strange the curtailed glory of your hair!" Julia said. "Yet it beseems you well, and is as soft as the feathers of an angel. And the doublet and hose set off your slender limbs. Does my round hose make me look fat?"

"Not at all," Juliet reassured her.

After a couple of minutes of silence, they realized that neither of them had fallen asleep. "The darkness hides my blushes when I ask…are you made true wife, a virgin girl no more?"

"Aye," Juliet said smugly.

"Oh happy man to bear the weight of Juliet! He oft embraced you, did he not?"

"Faith, yes."

"And did he kiss those lovely breasts that press so warmly against me?" Julia asked.

"Oh, a hundred times!" Juliet said cheerfully.

"And…and…what of the Mystery itself?"

"You'll fall in love with night," Juliet assured her.

2.  
 _By'r lady was I drunk last night_ Romeo thought, and the wine still pounded at his temples. He tried to sit up, and was stopped by the hands that clasped his shoulders. A faint scrape of stubbled cheek against his chest brought back a rush of memories.

Drinking at the inn ("I am exiled from fair Verona, where e'en my lightest step would mean my death, so hie me my sad way here to Mantua." "Oh aye? There's a lot of it about.") Bespeaking an upstairs room at the inn. And then….he had thought that he loved Rosaline, yet a moment's acquaintance with Juliet taught him what love really meant. And he had thought that he found bliss in Juliet's arms, until….

"Romeo!" the voice came floating up the stairs. "Juliet is here, your loving wife, to have those rites of love for which I wed thee."

Valentine of Verona, custom-shrunk, rolled off Romeo. "Wife? Naught spoke thou of a wife."

 _How ALL occasions do inform against me_ Romeo thought. His headache was back.

The two heroines rushed into the room.

"Hail, Julia," Valentine said. "The lovely garnish of a boy well become thee."

"Thank you, gentle Valentine," Julia said. "Know ye where my Proteus lies?"

"I know not," Valentine said. _Whence is his mouth moving?_ "Yet is he not the only one changed."

 _Who shall I believe, my kind lord or mine own deceiving eyes?_ Juliet asked herself. _Nay, what shall it mean? All yet may be well. For last night, the young page was my bedfellow, and no harm to chastity._

"Long has Sir Proteus been sworn my brother and my friend," Valentine said. "Twas pretty, but a plague…"

"Boy, thou speak'st masterly," Julia said

"…To see him every day. But his love was given to you, and Silvia, and Lucetta, and that girl at the inn….to women, natheless. And oft I sighed and wept, but knew not why. Then last night was I a man new-made, and in my sweet Romeo's embrace I know myself not Venus' votary, but Ganymede's."

Juliet and Julia gasped.

"We would have been all right if you'd just kept your mouth shut," Romeo sighed.

Juliet began to draw her sword. "They have the Unwritten Law here in Mantua, and if I cut you into little stars right now no jury would convict me."

"Leave him to Heaven," Julia whispered. Juliet sheathed her sword. "There rust! If I killed you I'd probably have to confess it to that damn fool Friar Lawrence anyway. Well, at least I got out of that one-mule town."

 _If you can get here by ship, it must be a port_ Julia thought. "More seacoasts there be than learned divines wot of," she said.

'Troth, but what shall we do?" Juliet asked.

"Girls dressed up as pirates," Julia said meditatively. "It's more common than people think."


End file.
